How do you hide the vegetables of meaningful messages in the brownie of comedy? What is it like having your mom as a constant guest on your podcast? And do you feel successful even as a constantly touring stand-up comedian? All that and more as Liv and Jasmin talk to Fortune Feimster!
How do you hide the vegetables of meaningful messages in the brownie of comedy? What is it like having your mom as a constant guest on your podcast? And do you feel successful even as a constantly touring stand-up comedian? All that and more as Liv and Jasmin talk to Fortune Feimster!
Citations
- Why Being A Workaholic Is Awful For You AND Everyone Around You by Harry Bradford for Huffpost
- Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome by Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey for The Harvard Business Review
Bio
Stand-up comedian, writer, and actor Fortune Feimster is one of the busiest women working today. She first became known as a writer and panelist on E's hit show Chelsea Lately, and then starred as a series regular on The Mindy Project for Hulu and Champions for NBC. You might know them now from touring the world doing standup, her most recent one-hour special on Netflix called "Sweet & Salty,” or her weekly podcast, Sincerely Fortune.
Credits
- Hosts: Jasmin Savoy Brown and Liv Hewson
- Producer: Eric Silver
- Co-Producers: Jasmin Savoy Brown and Liv Hewson
- Editor, Engineer & Sound Designer: Mischa Stanton
- Executive Producer: Amanda McLoughlin
- Researcher: Gina Cherelus
- Created by: Jasmin Savoy Brown
- Produced by: Multitude & Netflix
Find Us Online
- Twitter: @Most
- Instagram: @Most
About The Show
How did the homo schedule turn you into the creative person you are today? Chairpeople of the Meeting Jasmin Savoy Brown and Liv Hewson interview incredible creative queer folk, explore the funny and ridiculous parts of the LGBTQ+ experience, and add new items to the schedule. Produced by Multitude for the Most, the queer vertical at Netflix.
Jasmin: Welcome to the Homo Schedule, where we're corrupting your children into celebrating their wins and being proud of the journey. I'm Jasmin, your Lyft driver for your ride to Dinah Shore.
Liv: And I'm Liv, Public Liaisons Manager in charge of biodegradable glitter.
Jasmin: Let's review the minutes from last week's meeting.
Liv: How the fuck are yah?
Jasmin: I'm good. Do we want to get real?
Liv: Yeah, we can get real.
Jasmin: I mean, it's kind of gross. So. I pushed a poo out too hard. A couple of weeks ago. [Chuckles]
Liv: Tell me, tell me about it. It's a safe space.
Jasmin: I've pushed a poo out too hard. And I was getting a ride with some people and they were like, hurry. So I was like, Ugh. And I have a little tear in my booty, which would be fine, but I'm on Accutane, which dries you out, which has made it even worse.
Liv: Oh, misery.
Jasmin: So um. Yeah. Last night I [Laughs] was swiping on Hinge with a suppository of my butt.
Liv: Hot! [Laughs]
Jasmin: I was like, this is your late twenties. Some girl is like “what you doin’,” and I'm like, “you really don't want to know nothing much, baby.”
[Jasmin and Liv laugh]
Jasmin: So I'm great. I feel like this is what it means to be inching toward 30 and that's fine. So I'm just putting a lot of Vaseline all over my body. Mostly my lips and my booty. And I'm hoping that this wraps up pretty soon, but at least my skin is getting clearer.
Liv: Well, my condolences to you and your Vaseline top and tail experiences.
Jasmin: Ah, thank you. How are you? How is your booty.
Liv: Oh my god, fine. Thank God. I mean, it's flinching in sympathy right now, but otherwise unharmed.
Jasmin: That's good. What's new with you? [Laughs]
Liv: Um, Christ. I mean, I've been like social butterflying it a little bit, safely, of course, but like getting out and about, and seeing people go into like some shows, hanging out with some friends.
Jasmin: What shows?
Liv: Um, I went to a show at The Lash recently. It was really fun.
Jasmin: Okay. What's The Lash?
Liv: It's a, it's like a bar show venue in downtown LA.
Jasmin: Amazing. What'd you see?
Liv: I, uh, I saw a DJ set, with some friends of mine.
Jasmin: Fun! I've never done that. I've never gone to a DJ set. Is that, I guess that's what you would call it. Not a DJ show.
Liv: A DJ show - a DJ cabaret number, a DJ…
Jasmin: Exactly.
Liv: What's the, what's the plural noun for DJs, do you reckon. You know, like a parliament of owls, like or something of DJs, what would you say?
Jasmin: Oh, a gaggle.
Liv: A gaggle!
Jasmin: A gaggle of DJs.
Liv: Ok, well then I went to a gaggle of DJs and it was loud and fun. [Laughs]
Jasmin: Good. I'm happy for you.
Liv: Yeah, it's been nice doing that again.
Jasmin: Well Liv, what's on the agenda for today?
Liv: Oh my God. Today on the Homo Schedule, we are talking to Fortune Feimster, if you can believe it. Fortune Feimster is a standup comedian, writer, and an actor, and you might know her from touring the world, doing standup, her most recent one hour special on Netflix called Sweet and Salty, or her weekly podcasts Sincerely Fortune. I'm so excited that we got to talk to her.|
Jasmin: I still can't believe that that happened. This is one of those moments where I was like, oh, this is a real podcast. Not that it hasn't been, but you know what I mean? This is the first like, celebrity that I don't know, that I've watched her comedy, very exciting. She's so funny. And her TikTok is funny and her everything's funny. And you guys, I hope you're excited because we're entering it into the record.
[Interview Transition Music]
Liv: Hello Fortune!
Jasmin: Hello, Fortune. Welcome to our show. Thanks for being here.
Fortune: My pleasure. Thanks for having me.
Jasmin: We like to start our show by saying our names and our pronouns and how we identify. I'll go first. I'm Jasmin, my pronouns are she/her, I identify as lesbian and also as your mom's ex-girlfriend
Fortune: Ooh.
Liv: My name is Liv. My pronouns are they/them, I am [Singing] gay, and I, your mom and I talk, but it's not a big deal.
Fortune: [Laughs] Uh, I'm Fortune Feimster, she/her, I identify as a lesbian and, um, I guess I need to call my mom?
[All chuckle]
Jasmin: But you and your mom are super close. Aren't you guys?
Fortune: Uh, we are, yeah, she, she pops in a lot on my podcast that I do, Sincerely Fortune with my wife and, uh, a lot of people keep asking for her. So she's become a mainstay.
Jasmin: That's amazing.
Liv: Ginger.
Fortune: Ginger. Yes.
Jasmin: We're just going to dive right in, since we're already talking about your mom.
Fortune: Ok.
Jasmin: Cause I wanted to ask you a question about her. So you guys are close she's on your podcast all the time and she does identify as Christian, right?
Fortune: She does. Yeah.She is Methodist, which is, you know, uh, in my small Southern town, that's the fabric of society is there's a church on every corner. A big part of your social life is, uh, going to church and [Chuckling] hanging out and then going to eat after.
Jasmin: Going to barbecues.
Fortune: Yeah.
Jasmin: I grew up, I don't know quite what our denomination is, cause it changed. It started out as a Baptist, but like white people Baptist, which is different than black people Baptist, and then became more like the hell fire thing. But that's another podcast. [Laughs] My question for you is since your mom is Methodist, but you guys are so close and you've talked about how, when you came out, you were beautifully received by her family.I'm wondering what positive effect that's had on her community.
Fortune: Well, she's definitely, um, a little beacon of light in her, her area, as far as, uh, being a progressive in a pretty red area. My mom's, you know, bumper stickers, she had an Obama sticker for eight years and, uh,
Liv: Yeah, Mom!
Fortune: [Laughs] She, you know, has always been very liberal in her politics and in her acceptance of people. So she's had to have rubbed off on people, you know, because she was also the president of PFLAG in our hometown for many years, up until the, basically the pandemic.
Jasmin: What is PFLAG ?
Fortune: It's a “Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays.” It's a group that was started a couple decades ago. Um, a mom of a gay man started it to just help other parents like accept their kids. It's really, it's a really cool organization. They, they get, you know, cause a lot of people were coming out back in the day and these parents had no tools to like, what do I do? How do I accept my kid? Or, or I'm nervous about it, I'd have questions. Or sometimes they, you know, were not accepting and this group their whole mission was to help other parents and friends of the people coming out, learn how to support them.
Liv: Beautiful.
Jasmin: That's incredible.
Fortune: Yeah, that's really, really cool. So she was president of that, uh, in our county and hotel for a long time. Um, and so she was known as the person, a lot of people would go to for help in that area. You know, when a trans kid got kicked out of their house, they would call my mom and she would help, you know, try to find a family to help. And, you know, things like that. She's, she really did some awesome things in the community.
Liv: Wow. Oh, wow.
Jasmin: That's fantastic. Thanks for sharing that.
Fortune: Yeah, of course.
Liv: You're on tour at the moment, right?
Fortune: I am. Yeah, I am.
Liv: How is it?
Fortune: It's amazing. I started doing clubs this summer, and then my, um, rescheduled dates began a few weeks ago. Uh, I was supposed to start this tour in March of 2020.
Liv: Sure, right, great time to go anywhere.
Fortune: My Netflix special came out, Sweet and Salty, and we put this tore up and six months of shows sold out. I was like, oh my gosh, this was amazing.
Jasmin: Congrats, that’s huge!
Fortune: Thank you.
Liv: That's so good.
Fortune: This was like my jump to the theaters. And so. Yeah, March 11th. Ready to go? Like here we go. And they're like, no, no, no, no.
Liv: No, no. [Laughs]
Fortune: A year and a half later, I mean, like 75% of the people held onto their tickets.
Liv: Wow, really?
Jasmin: Wow.
Fortune: And then we sold the rest. So we've been selling out all these cities. It's been incredible. I was just in Wichita, Kansas of all places. I'm in this sold out 1300 seat theater. And these people are cheering for me like this gay lesbian coming into, uh, you know, places like that. Talking about my story. It's pretty incredible. Actually, the reach that that special had.
Liv: I read something. You said about your special available on Netflix, Sweet and Salty. Um, you said there were messages being slipped in there, but I do try to deliver it in a way that's easy to digest. Now, this is classic Homo Schedule behavior. We understand and we love it.
[Jasmin makes airhorn noises.]
Liv: When you, when you think about that, what, what are the messages you want to leave people with and how do you structure that into your comedy? Is it like conscious? Does it happen naturally? What's the process.
Fortune: Well, I think anytime you're making somebody laugh, you're taking their defense mechanisms away, whatever wall they've built up. And for any reason that that kind of lowers it. Because it's comedy should be funny. And you know, for me, I want it to be funny. So what I'm doing is I'm telling my story, especially in that special, it's very autobiographical. It was very much childhood to college to, um, an adult. And when you're sharing your story and you happen to be gay people who might not know a gay person, or don't know what their life is like, you're already sort of opening their eyes to like, oh, she does the things that we do. She has the feelings that we have. We're not that different after all. So already you're hopefully opening minds in that way. But, you know, I tried to tell these stories and make people laugh, but then I would say, like, I tell my coming out story. And then I say, I was lucky that my family accepted me. That's the greatest gift that you can give your kids is to accept them for who they are. I say this in my special.
Liv: Yeah.
And then I add a joke to it. You know, that, and cash.
[All laugh]
Liv: That's true. That's true.
Fortune: So, you know, and at the end of the, my special, I didn't know, it would be in this special I had. I talked to the audience of thanking them for coming and what a full circle moment it was for me. And I just think anytime you share genuine feelings, that it can make a difference to people, you know, as far as acceptance and opening minds. So that's, that's what I did. I didn't set out with a particular agenda. I just was myself. I showed them who I am, and I think it, it did open minds. I got tons of emails from parents-
Liv: Ugh, yes!
Fortune: Saying they help them understand their gay kid more.
Jasmin: How does that feel when you get an email like that?
Fortune: I mean, it's incredible, you know, you don't know that comedy or that your story will have that kind of effect. You're just trying to entertain people, but also, you know, being real. So to see that it influenced anyone in a positive way, it just blows your mind. It's, it's really cool. And I also had kids writing me saying I haven't told my parents I'm gay yet, so I put on your special and I sat with them and I watched them to see how they reacted.
Jasmin: Ooh, oh my god, I’m going to cry.
Fortune: And if they were laughing, and had a smile or something. Then I told them, you know, it was like, whoa, wow. This is crazy.
Liv: God that just like, hit me with like a sense memory of, of doing that, putting something on and like sussing out the reception. Wow.
Jasmin: Do you remember what you did that with Liv?
Liv: I don't. I wish I did. I'd have to think about it. I truly forgotten. I even did it until like right now.
Jasmin: Wow.
Fortune: Yeah. I mean, I do a radio show for Sirius XM and Netflix, and there was a guy that called into our show and he was a straight guy, very macho sounding. And he said that the one thing that hit me was when I was telling the story of coming out, he goes, “I didn't, I never thought about how hard that is for somebody to do.” He goes, “it was explained in a way that for the first time in my life, I finally got how difficult that is to come out.” And he goes, “man, it broke my heart for you.” And I thought, man, like, because the base of some of these stories are pain,
Liv: Yeah.
Fortune: But it's a comedian's job. Take that and turn it into a funny thing. It's painful to have to sit people down and tell them, because you're terrified. You don't know if your family is going to accept you or not. So I'm telling you a story that has a happy ending, but not everybody has that.
Jasmin: Right.
Liv: Your antidote to that is always connection, right? That's always the salve to that kind of pain. And then being able to click with somebody - finding empathy bridges, right. Like, oh great. Now I get it. And now that person gets it forever. That’s beautiful.
Fortune: Yeah. So I'm really, I'm really proud of, of that special and that it was on a platform like that that had such a reach. And now I'm doing this new tour. It's an all new hour and I'm telling my story again, but it's a more current story. It starts a little bit later in life.
Jasmin: That's amazing. And to use art as the medium.
Fortune: Mhm.
Jasmin: And speaking of which I read that art, Lifetime’s The Truth About Jane is what made you gay.
Fortune: [Laughing] Well it didn't make me gay, but it made me realize I was gay.
Liv: What is Lifetime’s The Truth About Jane?
Fortune: Uh, it's a movie about, um, a girl in high school who thinks that she might be gay, and she has a gay teacher who like helps just sort of her mentor and is there for her. And then she comes out. Her mother, played by Stockard Channing is like so mad about it and like angry at the teacher and then eventually comes around and it supports her gay daughter.
Jasmin and Liv:Yay!
Jasmin: We love to see it! This is a plug for Lifetime’s The Truth About Jane.
Fortune: Yeah. The director of that film saw the special and reached out to me.
Liv: Really?!
Fortune: I was like, oh my gosh. That's so funny. And she was talking about how hard it was to get that movie made, at this was, that would have been 2004, maybe?
Liv: Yeah.
Fortune: So you know, not that long ago, she just said you have no idea what it took to get that movie on Lifetime on the air. And I was like, I believe. So it was cool to give them a little shout out, but that was my story.
Jasmin: Yeah.
Fortune: I, you know, in hindsight can see that I was gay my whole life, obviously. [Laughs]
Liv: Oh God, always. Yeah.
Fortune: But it was why - you know, we didn't have a lot of representation and the, the people that were gay when I was coming up were in the closet. Which I totally understand, because it was not an accepted thing. And, uh, so we didn't have a lot of things to pinpoint and see ourselves represented and being like, oh, I recognize something with what they're going through. And so watching that young girl go through this journey of coming out, just opened some portal -
[Jasmin laughs]
Fortune: in me that made me go, oh my God. That’s - Um, I'm gay.
Liv: I know what that is! Oh man.
Fortune: Exactly.
Liv: I read that one of your first moments of connection with, uh, gay audiences was from your time on Chelsea Handler's late night show. You've described people coming up to you afterwards to come out to you while making that show, often for the first time. I wanted to ask you what that was like, um, do you remember the first time it happened?
Fortune: Yeah, I mean, yeah. Gay people love Chelsea Lately. Oh my God.
[Jasmin and Liv laugh]
Fortune: I mean, especially gay men. I mean, that was their jam. And so yeah, every where I would go, a lot of gay people would come up to me and talk to me about the show or whatnot, or about Chelsea. And I think it was Boston, actually, a young girl came up to me, she was kind of waiting. She was just like, I've never told anyone this before. I've not even barely admitted it to myself. I can't believe I'm telling you this. Uh she's like, but I'm gay. I just needed to tell someone and it's you and I, and you go, oh my gosh! Because-
Jasmin: Wow.
Fortune: You know, you're a part of that person's history, their story forever. So I, it's a thing I, I didn't, you know, I don't take lightly. I understand the gravity of it and the importance of it. So I was very honored that she chose to tell me.
Liv: Wow.
Jasmin: Do you need to do anything to balance out that kind of weight, even though it's a gift? I imagine it might be a weight carrying. People see grads and knowing that you're helping them change their lives.
Fortune: [Laughs] Well, luckily I didn't know anyone in her family, so her secret was safe with me.
[All laugh]
Fortune: It's more of just like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that. You know, that I'm the person you're choosing to tell this to like, how cool is that? I must be doing something right to make people feel like they can tell me and that it's okay. Or at least I'm being visible enough as a gay person that they're like, here's a gay person that I can confide in. Um, so, uh, yeah, I mean, it's part of the job. Part of being in the public eye is, you know, people watch you in their most vulnerable state.
Liv: Yeah.
Fortune: You know, I've, a lot of people have told me about having parents dying or someone's sick and they put this special on for them or, or whatever clips I've done. Uh, I've had fans who've followed me around to different shows for years who - One fan would bring me a cake every time I was in the South.
Jasmin: What? That’s so sweet
Liv: Wow.
Fortune: Yeah, really amazing people you remember! This woman in Indiana, she would bring me homemade checks mix. She was a lovely mom. And then the woman in the south with the cake both passed away in the last two years-
Jasmin: I’m so sorry.
Fortune: and both had family members reach out to me and wow was able to send the video to the woman in the South that was dying. That's definitely a weight where you go, oh my God, I can't believe, um, sending a message to someone who's about to die. That's - it's heavy, but you want to give them that because you meant something to them and they supported you.
Jasmin: Yeah.
Fortune: And to get to be part of that last bit of their journey is like, holy cow, that happened, right - that one happened right at the beginning of the pandemic.
Jasmin: Wow.
Fortune: And, uh, it's weird that you go, man, I've been on tour for 11 years and I've met people all over the country for, for that long that, you know, you would still be a part of their journey in that way.
Jasmin: Yeah. That's a huge honor that you didn't know came with the job. [Chuckle]
Fortune: Yeah. Those are things you just don't think about. And I posted about her and then that was when the daughter of the woman in Indiana wrote, my mom just passed away and you always talked to her every time you came to Indiana. And I go, oh my gosh, like - you just make these connections with fans. And they're just really lovely, wonderful people that just care. They're like, we just want you to be happy and feel good in our hometown. And you're like, oh my God, like that's when you realize when you get off the internet -
[Liv laughs]
Fortune: You're like, oh my God, people are good. There's a lot of good people out there.
Jasmin: I was just thinking the same thing that balances out the nastiness of what can happen online. This is giving me hope for people.
Fortune: Mmhm.
Liv: I do think the human baseline is love. I really, really believe that.
Fortune: Oh yeah. And you see, and I'm lucky that as a comic. I see it. I get to see it every weekend. People that are actors don't really go out as much. They're not seeing, who's watching their stuff as much.
Liv: Right, it's more removed.
Fortune: Yeah. When you’re a comic, you were in these cities with these lovely people every weekend. And you do remember that there's a lot of good people out there. It's just that a lot of the negative, it has a loud voice, unfortunately, on the internet, but I’m so grateful I get a reminder of the good people on a regular basis.
Jasmin: Okay. I have to know when you were in Texas, because I saw you tweeted, asking people about breakfast tacos.
Fortune: Yeah.
Jasmin: Did you go to Juan in a Million?
Fortune: No, I didn't know about it!
Jasmin: Dangit! When you go back, you have to go there, best breakfast taco, in ever.
Fortune: Really?
Jasmin: Yes.
Liv: Yes. I went to Austin for the first time at the very, very, very beginning of 2020. And the only thing Jasmin told me to do, who's going to Juan in a Million. [Laughs]
Fortune: I wish- I had tweeted it out, but then realized that we were like walking somewhere at that moment to go. So it wasn't enough time to really get the proper recommendations. I love a good breakfast taco. They're the best, either breakfast taco, breakfast burrito, either one. Give it to me.
Jasmin: Here's a question for you: What is your idea of success? And do you consider yourself successful?
Fortune: Oh, we're getting deeper.
[All laugh]
Fortune: Deep. Um, I mean, if you can do something that you love and pay your bills. I would say that you're successful.
Jasmin: Mmmm.
Fortune: Because that's pretty huge. I know a lot of people that are paying their bills, but they're not necessarily doing the thing they love. And there's a little bit of that unfulfillment there and you just want them to find the thing, even if it's not a job, maybe a hobby.
Jasmin: Yeah.
Fortune: That makes up for that. But, um, I would consider myself successful at this point. It took a long time to get there. I've been out here for 18 years in Los Angeles, plugging away, and I did not get paid for comedy for a very long time. [Laughs] Um, but I believed in something happening at some point I worked really, really hard. I never stopped hustling until the pandemic forced me to for a little bit.
[Jasmin and Liv laugh]
Fortune: And then I finally started making a living doing the thing that I was incredibly passionate about. And now I'm lucky enough that people are coming to see my shows. I'm getting acting gigs that are really interesting and cool and fun. And I do a radio show. I mean, I, I consider myself very lucky. Um, but also a product of tons of tons and tons of hard work.
Liv: Yeah. totally.
Jasmin: I identify with the hustling and with the first time I ever chilled out in my whole life was during the pandemic.
Fortune: [Laughing] Yeah.
Jasmin: So did you learn anything in that time? Like being forced to chill for once.
Fortune: I mean, you definitely learned how much of your life is focused on work.
Jasmin: Ooh.
Liv: Oooh, yup! [Laughs]
Fortune: That was definitely an eye-opener. Um, I didn't know how to function at first. Cause I mean, truly I have not stopped working towards this goal, this business, this comedy thing, you know, in 15 years. And so to suddenly have no work to focus on, you're not touring, you're not acting. Everything's just stopped. It was hard. I definitely like didn't know what to do with myself for that first, like two months. And it was like wearing a lot of flannel and Ugg boots.
[Jasmin and Liv laugh]
Fortune: Laying on the couch, watching documentaries. And, and - but the fact that everyone was going through it made it a little bit more manageable, like I wasn’t… The FOMO thing wasn't happening.
Liv: Right.
Fortune: But then I really embraced the piece of it all. I, for the first time wasn't worried about, I mean, obviously we were worried about COVID and not wanting to die. That was terrifying.
Jasmin: There was that.
Liv: For sure, yeah. I mean. [Laughs]
Fortune: For the everyday life, it was, uh, there was some peace that came with not worrying about what time you have to do this, or scheduling that or meeting these people are posting this or doing this show or learning these lines to literally have your brain free of everything, um, was pretty special. And the one silver lining of the pandemic is just for once not having to worry about a thousand things.
Liv: Yeah.
Fortune: Um, and it cleared my brain up in a way that has not happened in a very long time. And I was able at, later on in the pandemic, write this whole new hour of material that was not possible to write it in the amount of time before.
Liv: Yeah.
Fortune: It was, my brain had 50 other things in it that it was worried about. So I don't know what I learned about, I guess I just learned that I am a workaholic.
[All laugh]
Fortune: And need to, need to take a break every now and then.
Jasmin: Prioritize, rest, and rejuvenation.
Fortune: Exactly. Yeah.
Liv: But it's like, that's a hard process to stop. It's like, how do… How do you learn how to do that? It's like, well, if you, [Laughing] if you haven’t got a choice.
Jasmin: Being forced! That's how.
Liv: Then you'll figure it out.
Fortune: Well, this business is interesting because you work your butt off to just try and, you know, quote unquote, make it and to get to the point where you're making a living at it. So you're busting ass doing that. And then you finally get to that point and then you're getting the jobs and you don't want to not work because you're finally getting the jobs!
Liv: Yeah. It never stops.
Fortune: So the hustle never ends. Yeah.
Jasmin: And there's that fear of the next step. And I've got a ton of shit going on. It's very exciting -
Fortune: That’s great.
Jasmin: But I'm like having those panics every night, “I'm never, I'm never going to work again. And this was all a joke and I'm really bad at everything I do. And everyone's going to learn that.” Ha ha ha. It never, how do you deprogram that? I don't know.
Liv: Oh, I don't know that, that, I don't know that that goes to the stops haunting you, but you right. I guess it's like learning to be friends with it or -
Jasmin: Right.
Liv: Learning that it leaves. It's like, “oh yeah, you again, well, you'll be gone in a week.” Right?
Fortune: Well, you know, the freaking internet stuff, doesn't help, you know, you can't help, but compare yourself, you know, to people that are posting things and you can be doing so many good things and then you see someone else has done this other thing. You're like, what? You know, your brain. It's like, we're programmed because of the way that we live right now with this to always look at what other people are doing.
Liv: One of the most valuable things my mom ever instilled in me and my brothers was that someone else's success is not your failure.
Jasmin: [Singing] Amen.
Liv: So glad that she made such a point of telling us that when we were little, because now I'm like, fuck. If I, if I didn't have that baseline to come back to, this would be a [Singing] nightmare.
[All laugh]
Fortune: I mean, you've got parents these days. Even tougher jobs to instill self-esteem in your kids. I mean, what a tough job when all these outside forces are, you know, battling against that. But we all have that voice in our head that tells us those things. And I think the biggest way to combat it, it's just, you find other ways to be productive, to take care of yourself and those voices get lighter and lighter when you fill it with other things, you know?
Liv: Yeah. And if you keep coming back to the joy, it's like, well, I love doing this. And I, I love finding ways to do this. It's like, if you keep coming back to the ways in which it's fulfilling and that's where you're coming from, it's going to be fine. You know? I think anyway.
Jasmin: I think so too.
Fortune: Yeah. And you know, it doesn't help that you're in a business where you could have just filmed like seven things and you go, what's next you go. Right? I mean, isn’t this is enough?
Liv: Yeah.
Jasmin: Yeah.
Fortune: Yeah. So you just have to be keeping, you know, be your own biggest cheerleader.
Jasmin: Oh, thanks guys. I feel like this was the anti-anxiety, It Gets Better episode.
[Liv laughs]
Fortune: There you go! [Laughs]
Jasmin: I appreciate it.
Liv: Um Fortune, I have a question for you.
Fortune: All right.
Liv: Are you familiar with the musical Fun Home?
Fortune: I am. Yeah. I mean, I've seen it once in New York.
Liv: Amazing.
Fortune: So my memory is a little clouded, but I did see it. It was awesome. Liv: That's okay. So we have a recurring question on this podcast that we call the ring of keys question. Do you remember the song “Ring of Keys”?
Fortune: Uh-huh.
Liv: Do you remember ever having a ring of keys moment? Like when you were little, do you ever remember like a person or an image or like a moment or a feeling where it felt like recognition specifically about being gay.
Fortune: I mean, maybe that time, my friend and I practiced dry humping on each other?
[Jasmin and Liv laugh]
Fortune: That seemed like a pretty spot-on recognition. [Laughs] You know, like when your kids you're like, I saw them doing. It wasn't like, we didn't know what we were doing. Um…
Jasmin: [Laughs] Oh gosh, that just brought back [Singsong] memories.
Liv: Yeah, I’m like, oh man, right! Right right right right right.
[All laugh]
Liv: Wow. That is gorgeous.
Fortune: There were so many moments that I don't think I recognized at the time. You know what I mean?
Liv: Yes, I do.
Fortune: Moments - I was so deeply in the closet, not even aware that I was in the closet was the problem. Um, cause I was in the south in a small town and I didn't know, gay people. I mean, anyone that I now know was gay was married to someone of the opposite sex back then.
Liv: Mhm.
Fortune: So there, I wasn't like, I was like, oh, there's, you know, so-and-so, he's happily with his boyfriend. You know, I didn't see gay in the world. And, uh, it feels so naive now, but that was what the times were back then in my tiny hometown. But yeah, I would say, uh, definitely that like angst towards friends, of just being so bummed out when they were like on a date with a guy.
[Jasmin and Liv laugh]
Liv: Ooh, yeah.
Fortune: I recognize that a lot of that just like built up like “this, that guy's sucks, you know?” And they're like, what? You barely met him. “Yeah! I don't like him.” And just that, feeling too much for somebody that's just a friend.
Liv: Oh god, yeah.
Fortune: It’s just those moments for me.
Jasmin: I have a notebook full of those. Yeah.
Fortune: It takes a long time to break that cycle too. You know? Like it's usually somebody my age. I finally came out. It took me a lot of light, not put feelings on people who weren't get, like, I was so used to like, liking not-gay people.
Liv: Right.
Jasmin: I relate to this deeply, falling in love with the straight best friend. Fortune: Exactly. Because that was what I was used to.
Jasmin: Yeah.
Fortune: That was the pattern, you did that. And they would like give you morsels of something that, that was enough for you at the time, until you finally reach a point that they've gone away, that is not enough.
Liv: And “why am I doing this?”
Fortune: Yeah, exactly. So there's a lot of things that gay people have to like really and unwind once they do come out.
Jasmin: I had a best friend in middle school, who I was in love with. And I was still very Christian at the time. And I didn't know I was gay, but I did know, you know what I mean?
Fortune: Mmhm.
Liv: Yeah.
Jasmin: And I thought, okay, we're going to spend our lives together. And we're just going to like be best friends who live together and never touch or do anything sinful. But like that way we can be together and maybe we'll adopt a baby and I had a whole plan. [Laughs]
Liv: And maybe that's what love is. And like, I don't ask for anything more for myself or imagine other possibilities, or check with her that that's what's going to happen.
Jasmin: Mhm, I decided.
Fortune: Yeah, we just, yeah, you're just sort of put up with what you think you deserved back then, but when you finally do get in a healthy relationship with, you know, somebody that's out and proud and you're not hiding anything. It's pretty powerful. You go, oh my Gosh, How do I deal with what I was missing for so long. It's beautiful.
Jasmin: I'm looking forward to that someday. Anyway, we're going to play -
[All laugh]
Fortune: It will come to you, be patient.
Jasmin: I know. Well, I'm not in any hurry at the moment. We're going to play a game. We're going to play Gender This.
[Gender This segment music]
Liv: I love this game.
Fortune: Okay. [Laughs]
Jasmin: Liv isn't briefed on these games so that they can play along with our guest. ‘F-Edition: For Fortune.’ So I'm going to just say a bunch of things that start with F and you guys are going to tell me the gender of it.
Fortune: Okay.
Jasmin: If someone feels specifically moved, go for it. Otherwise, both of you go for it. It's rapid fire. Here we go: Fennel!
Liv: Fennel is a boy, but like a seven year old boy who climbs trees a lot.
Fortune: Oh, gotcha. Okay.
Jasmin: Fortune, Folk music.
Fortune: It's an, an old grandpa.
Jasmin: This is also for Fortune, fertilizer.
Fortune: Uh, a lesbian in her fifties, getting her roses in shape for the winter.
Liv: [Laughs] Yeah! Perfect.
Jasmin: Liv, frozen bananas.
Liv: Ah, frozen bananas, uh, like they're a femme like vampy lounge singer. Jasmin: Amazing. Both of you, flipping someone off.
Liv: Uch.
Fortune: Oooh. Um, it's a, it's a dude on a motorcycle that kind that, with the big handlebars that go up a lot higher than their sitting.
Liv: Yes, exactly. Like a Beavis and Butthead masculine.
Fortune: Yeah. Someone just cut them off.
Jasmin: Liv, fine dining.
Liv: Fine dining is like masculine, but like dandy, like, um, like fine young things, like vest and a monocle, like quite fae.
Jasmin: He’s gotta have the monocle. Liv, Friday.
Liv: Friday is a woman and she's hot.
Jasmin: Fortune, fava beans. [Laughs]
Fortune: Uh, fava bens, it's a member of the indigo girls band that plays the triangle.
[Jasmin and Liv laugh]
Jasmin: Fortune, the movie 40 Year Old Virgin.
Fortune: Uh, it's uh, a nerdy 35 year old guy that's not looking forward to turning 40.
Jasmin: Live, Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Liv: Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a baby. A genderless baby
Jasmin: Fortune, flying squirrels.
Fortune: [Laughing] Flying squirrels is non binary, um, is open to whatever comes its way.
Jasmin: [Laughs] Liv, farts.
Liv: Oh, farts, farts are agender, a-gender, outside of it.
Jasmin: Both of you, feathers.
Liv: Feathers are like gender fluid, but like a burlesque, in a very burlesque way. Like it's, it's camp in either direction.
Fortune: I was going to say burlesque too.
Jasmin: Incredible. Three more! French lessons.
Fortune: Oh, a 75 year old woman named Sephora.
Jasmin: Oooh.
Liv: I'd love to meet her.
Jasmin: I like her name. Liv, Fall.
Liv: Oh, um, for Fall is, Fall, is non binary, but like it's a secret.
Jasmin: Okay. Love it, both of you. And I do have my own schedule here on the homo schedule, for friends and family working together to abolish the police.
Liv: That, whatever gender that like a holiday dinner is.
Fortune: Okay. Yeah, that sounds right. A lot of people coming from different walks of life, all the turkey or corn.
Jasmin: Turkey and corn.
Fortune: Mmhm.
Jasmin: Thank you for playing Gender This. Also hi to your little fluff ball. Perfect dog. Who is?
Liv: Hi cutie!
Fortune: This is Biggie.
[Liv laughs]
Jasmin: Biggie is small, everybody.
Liv: Biggie is so small.
Fortune: So small, because we were renovating we're all in one room right now. He does not like that I've been ignoring them for 45 minutes.
Jasmin: Oh, Biggie. Well, this question's for Biggie then: what are you going to do this week to further the homo schedule?
Fortune: To further the homo schedule…
Jasmin: And I would like to know Biggie's answer as well. I'm putting that on record.
Fortune: [Laughs] Well, Biggie, uh, is very supportive of the gay community. He's uh very open-minded. He just wants people to love who they love, be, who they want to be live, their true self. That's what he told me.
Jasmin: Thank you Biggie.
Liv: Thank you Biggie!
Fortune: Yeah. Um, I guess for me, I'll, uh, further the homo schedule by continuing to be me, me and myself, put my content out there. Uh, I do a podcast called Sincerely Fortune where I talk about a lot of, uh, things about, uh, in my life with my wife and our relationship. We share a lot of that with people. I'm going to be doing shows on the road, which again, we'll talk about my stories of, uh, being a gay person in the world, proposing to my wife, telling my stories that, uh, hopefully continue to open minds and, you know, show people that someone like me is no different from them other than specifics of life. But we all put our pants on one leg at a time. Right?
Liv: Hell yeah!
Fortune: If people do want to come see a show I'd love for. Go to my website and fortunefeemster.com.
Liv: Yes!
Fortune: Tour all over the country. Uh, and it's super gay friendly, obviously audiences, a lot of gay people in the audience. So it's a safe space!
Jasmin: And we will put that, we'll put the link to your website and all that info in our show notes so everyone can check it out.
Liv: Go click!
Fortune: Awesome.
Jasmin: Liv, What are you going to do this week?
Liv: I'm going to read some gay love poems. I'm going to find some love, poetry about being gay and read it and put it in my brain.
Fortune: Oh yeah.
Jasmin: I think that’s great. I'm going to go tell all my friends that I got to interview Fortune Feimster.
Liv: Yes!!
Fortune: Whaaat-
Jasmin: Very excited. Thank you so much for being here. You are the first person I've taken a nervous shit for, and I'm telling you that because I thought you might appreciate it.
[All laugh]
Fortune: I do appreciate that! I appreciate you guys having me on the podcast and, uh, it's really cool to talk to you both.
[Transition music]
Jasmin: After every interview, there is still so much more for us to read and learn and talk about.
Liv: So we have citations we want to share with you.
Jasmin: So during the episode, Fortune talked about how she was forced to slow down during the pandemic and recognized areas in her life where she's a workaholic and how prioritizing rest has affected her. So here's a link, it's called “Why being a workaholic is awful for you and everyone around you.” It's by Harry Bradford for Huff Post. Here's a quote from it that I like: “There are more ways to overwork yourself than. And while refusing vacation time, eating lunch at your desk, or never shutting off your work email might seem like a good way to impress the boss, they also could have dire consequences for your health down the road.” We hear something crazy in the article. It said “Americans left at $52.4 billion worth of unused vacation time on the table in 2013,” that bothers me.
Liv: It makes me sick.
Jasmin: Isn’t that absurd - Billions of dollars?!
Liv: Oh my god.
Jasmin: Ugh, I can't even comprehend that. Read the article in the show notes.
Liv: In the episode, we talk to Fortune about the pitfalls of imposter syndrome and how we caught ourselves comparing ourselves to others and how we're working on not feeling that way. So there's an article here that's called “Stop telling women they have imposter syndrome” by Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey for the Harvard Business Review. Here's a quote: “imposter syndrome took a fairly universal feeling of discomfort, second guessing and mild anxiety in the workplace and pathologized it, especially for women. As white men progressed their feelings of doubt, usually a bait, as their work and intelligence are validated over time.” You can find all of these links and more in the episode description.
[Transition Music]
Jasmin: Guys. This is the last episode!
Liv: Wow! How are you feeling?
Jasmin: I feel good, you know. Of course we record this before we release it, so we won’t be able to say anything about how it was received in the moment, but I’m just going to go out and say it was received really well. People really liked it.
Liv: [Laughs] People loved it, they called us pretty, we’re very famous, we’re beautiful.
Jasmin: [Laughs] Very rich, very famous, very beautiful. Very successful. Very hot! Uhm, but you know, I hope listeners felt heard and encouraged and seen, I hope people laugh, I hope people learned something about themselves, learned something about community, through listening to the podcast, like “Oh hey, I never knew Natalie Morales directed Plan B,” but I also hope people found community by sharing it with friends and talking about it, or going online and talking to other people who listened to it, because that was one of my main goals from the beginning. Creating community and creating safe space, and I’ve found community through it. Like, you and me, we’re going to hang out with Leo!
Liv: Yeah, we are.
Jasmin: That’s so cool! How do you feel, are you happy with how this season turned out?
Liv: I am, I am. It’s been so interesting, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself doing it, too. There have been times where I’ve been really nervous, there have been times I’ve felt really vulnerable, quite kind of like tender and new. I haven’t done anything quite like this before, I’ve been guests on my friends podcast, but I don’t think I ever really considered how different this experience would be, it feels much more vulnerable, you know, it’s like we’re so used to being visible and being pretty public, but pretending to be other people all the time!
Jasmin: I know.
Liv: But this is really different, like we’re just doing this as us, and talking this much, talking this frankly as us has been really rewarding but a little scary at times. And I’m thankful to have been through that with you.
Jasmin: Thanks for coming along on the journey with me.
Liv: Yeah!
Jasmin: I want to know one thing that you learned, and one of your favorite moments.
Liv: Oh man. I learned to, uh, not try to think too hard about what I’m going to say. You know?
Jasmin: Ugh, yes. That got to me too.
Liv: When we were reading last week’s minutes with each other, when we talk about last week’s guests, when we talk about the episode structure, I learned to like not keep such a tight grip on myself, not worry so much about how I’m going to come off, you know? Just show up and be honest.
Jasmin: I had no idea you worried about how you come off.
Liv: [Laughs] Yeah, yeah I do sometimes.
Jasmin: Isn’t that funny, perception versus reality. And what was one of your favorite moments?
Liv: Oh man, I just, I love how many times on this podcast we got to laugh.
Jasmin: Me tooo.
Liv: Like, hearing people join us in our silly bits, like, coming up with games, coming up with puns about the Homo Schedule offices that are very real and where we are employed on a full time basis. [Laughs]
Jasmin: Yes, they’re all real. I am all of those things.
Liv: Yeah, those are my favorite memories of doing this, um, the times we’ve really gotten to laugh.
Jasmin: Me too dude. I mean, I could name so many. The first one that comes to mind is Caleb, because that was just, that was just so cool. He really did, his comedy really did get me through the pandemic, and then the fact that I made him laugh? I feel like I won an award! Like how did I make Caleb laugh. Getting to talk to so many of my friends, getting to talk to people who weren’t friends and now they’re friends, and laughing, I agree, laughter is so important to me. I would also agree about what I learned. Like early on I was so… [Mimics tense inhale] Like the word that comes to mind is rigid. I don’t know if that came across, but I felt like, “Okay, the timing has to be perfect, no awkward spaces,” even though that stuff’s edited out, like, live with someone, “Oh no! We were silent for a split second too long,” and now I’m like, eh, whatever, we’re just people talking. It’s really cool to listen back and hear how we’ve evolved.
Liv: Yes.
Jasmin: Because I do think we’ve gotten a lot better at asking questions and engaging as the season’s gone on.
Liv: Naturally.
Jasmin: Yeah. I’m really proud of us, we did good dude!
Liv: Yeah, I’m really proud of us, too.
Jasmin: We did good! And thank you to all of our guests, everyone who came on, I’m proud of you as well, everyone shared something intimate or vulnerable, and thank you to everyone who tuned in each week and… I’m excited to see what we have in store in the future.
Liv: Thank you, Jasmin!
Jasmin: Thank you, Liv! This meeting has been adjourned!
[Both laugh]
Liv: Gavel!
Jasmin: Gavel! As the snot runs down my face…
[Gavel bang]
[Both laugh]
[End music]
Jasmin: This has been The Homo Schedule. I'm Jasmin Savoy Brown, your host, producer, and creator of the show.
Liv: And I'm Liv Hewson, your host and producer.
Jasmin: The Homo Schedule is produced by Multitude for Netflix. Our lead producer is Eric Silver, our engineer and editor is Mischa Stanton, and our executive producer is Amanda McLoughlin.
Liv: Be sure to follow Most, Netflix’s home for LGBTQ+ storytelling on Twitter and Instagram, @Most.
Jasmin: And the best way to help us keep advancing The Homo Schedule is to tell a friend about the show!
Liv: So post about us on socials or text someone a link to your favorite episode.
Jasmin: We'll see you next week!
Liv: This meeting has been adjourned.
[Gavel bang]